What I Learned at Other People’s Weddings

I've attended roughly sixteen weddings in my life, and I've never left one without learning something.

I love weddings, which is probably a funny thing for a single guy to admit publicly. Most people hear “wedding season” and immediately start calculating how much money they're about to spend on flights, hotels and registry gifts. I understand that reaction. I've had those moments too. But along the way, weddings became one of my favorite things to attend.

Part of it is that weddings are one of the few occasions where life slows down long enough for people to celebrate something together. Everyone shows up looking their best. Families travel across the country. Friends who haven't seen each other in years find themselves standing around a cocktail table catching up like no time has passed. For one day, people pause whatever else is happening in their lives and focus on something good.

When I was younger, I thought weddings were mostly about the dresses, venues and receptions. I paid attention to the surface-level things. The cake and the flowers an whether the DJ knew what he was doing. Now I see them differently.

I've come to believe that weddings are one of the few times in life when people intentionally gather everyone they love in one place and say, “This is who we are.”

Me and my close friends take a candid group photo on the dance floor at my friend Matthias’ wedding. (Kevin Severin)

And after sixteen weddings, I've noticed that no two couples do that in exactly the same way.

Every wedding has at least one thing you'll remember years later. Every wedding has a defining moment that captures the couple better than any introduction ever could.

My friend Shelby had homemade pies served alongside the wedding cake. It felt incredibly wholesome and perfectly fitting for who she is. My friends Elizabeth & Austin chose “Love on the Weekend” by John Mayer for their first dance. To this day whenever I hear that song, I'm transported back to that dance floor and reminded of how simple and sincere love can look.

My friend Aaron's wedding incorporated Mexican traditions throughout the celebration. The music, food and atmosphere reflected who Aaron and his wife are. My friend Hunter’s wedding still remains the most memorable dance with a two-stepping partner that I’ll never forget. My friends Emma & Alec held their wedding in her grandparents' backyard, which made the entire day feel intimate and welcoming. My friend Matthias had a Catholic ceremony that introduced me to the symbolism and ritual woven throughout traditional weddings. It gave me a new appreciation for the ceremony itself rather than viewing it as the thing everyone sits through before dinner.

Lesson #1: the best weddings aren't generic. They're personal.

Me and some of my closest friends from college take a group photo at my friend Emma & Alec’s wedding. (Kevin Severin)

Another thing I've noticed is that the people matter far more than the schedule. Wedding planning often revolves around timelines. There are arrival times, rehearsal times, ceremony times, dinner times and dance-floor times. Yet when I think back on the weddings I've attended, the moments I remember most rarely involve a clock.

My friends Annika & Caleb chose to have her wedding party eat separately from the reception for part of the evening. It gave all of us an opportunity to share a more personal moment with the bride and groom before the festivities took over.

My and the rest of the wedding party enjoys a private meal together at my friend Annika & Caleb’s wedding. (Kevin Severin)

My friend Jackson's wedding brought together a wedding party filled with people who barely knew each other. By the end of the weekend, it felt like we'd all been friends for years.

Me and the full wedding party take a group photo at my friend Jackson’s wedding. (Kevin Severin)

The same thing happened at bachelor parties. My friend Jimmy's bachelor party was intentionally small and close-knit. It took place at a house where even some of the wives were invited. Instead of feeling like a stereotypical bachelor party, it felt like a celebration of the relationships already surrounding the marriage.

Me and my friends take a group photo at my friend Jimmy’s bachelor party. (Kevin Severin)

My friend Cooper took the opposite approach and built an adventure-filled weekend in Austin. We went go-karting, spent time outdoors and managed to pack an impressive amount of activity into a short trip. The funny thing is that when people ask about the bachelor party now, I think about who was there.

Lesson #2: a wedding is really a gathering of relationships, not an event schedule.

The most meaningful moments are usually the most honest. You can spend months planning a wedding, but the moments people talk about afterward are often the unscripted ones.

The speeches at my friends Zach & Emily's wedding were deeply personal and humanizing. People shared stories that revealed who they were beyond the polished versions we typically present to the world. At Shelby's wedding, the fathers gave speeches that were heartfelt, funny and unexpectedly moving.

My friends Zach & Hayley asked one of their closest friends to officiate their ceremony. That decision transformed the ceremony into something deeply personal. The person standing at the front knew them, understood their story and could speak about their relationship in a way no stranger ever could.

Lesson #3: people connect with honesty more than performance.

Me and the rest of the groomsmen take a group photo at my friend Zach’s wedding. (Kevin Severin)

Perhaps the biggest thing weddings reveal is what a couple values. Once I started paying attention, I realized every wedding reflects a series of priorities.

Corey's wedding leaned heavily into travel. Aaron's celebrated cultural traditions. Emma chose family history by getting married on meaningful property. Matthias embraced religious tradition. Shelby's music choices reflected her personality. My cousin Abby selected a venue that perfectly matched the atmosphere she wanted guests to experience.

None of these decisions were random. Each one answered the same question: What matters most to us? That's why I think weddings are fascinating. They become reflections of the relationships they're celebrating.

If I removed the names from every invitation and showed them to the people closest to each couple, would they still be able to identify whose wedding it was? For many of my friends, I think the answer would be yes.

Lesson #4: the best weddings feel like an extension of the relationship itself.

Before attending all of these weddings, I assumed a wedding was primarily about getting married. Now I think it's also about storytelling.

Every wedding tells a story. It tells the story of how two people met. It tells the story of what they value. It tells the story of the friends and family who helped them get there. It even offers clues about the future they're hoping to build together.

Three first dances show a front-row seat into each couple’s story. (Kevin Severin)

The venue, music and food matters. But those things matter only when they help tell the story.

One of the reasons I enjoy weddings so much is that I still don't know what my own wedding will look like someday. I can imagine pieces of it and there are traditions I've admired from friends. There are ideas I've mentally filed away for later and there are songs I've heard during ceremonies and first dances that made me think, “That's a good one.”

Every wedding I've attended has given me an idea, a memory or a lesson. But more than anything, they've reminded me that love rarely looks exactly the same from one relationship to the next.

Every invitation offers a front-row seat to someone else's story. For a few hours, you get to see what they've built together, meet the people who shaped them and celebrate what's ahead.

Sixteen weddings later, that's the lesson I’ve learned.

The wedding itself lasts a day. What it reveals about the couple lasts much longer.